His and Her Guide to Oral Stimulation
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Foreplay before the foreplay is always a must. And the best way to heat things up is with a little lip service. Kissing on the mouth, the neck, and all over can be very erotic. Once you're warmed up, try these techniques for taking kissing to the next level.
Guide for Him
A woman loves it when a man pleases her orally. It is often the best way for her to reach orgasm. For some men, this can be intimidating, but with the right technique and attitude, you'll be a pro in no time.
Warm Up
Start by kissing her abdomen and inner thighs and then tease her a bit. Alternate the stimulation between her genitals and other parts of her body to really turn her on.
Take in her scent and taste, and let her know that you're enjoying yourself. Use your tongue and lips to stimulate the labia majora and minora. Begin with long, slow kisses and licking and gradually increase the speed and intensity as her arousal builds. Don't just lick up and down, since concentrating on only one spot can lead to overstimulation.
Explore
Move your tongue in different directions. Experiment with speed and pressure, but try to keep a rhythm or steady pattern of movement since short spurts of erratic stimulation are likely to throw her focus off. And don't just use your tongue and lips — your fingers, teeth, nose, and breath can also be employed as oral pleasers and teasers.
The perineum is another sensitive area. You can stimulate it with either your tongue or your fingers (but don't use the same fingers around her vagina without washing first, because bacteria from the anus can be harmful to the vagina). SeeIs Anal Sex Safe?
Use Your Hand
Manual stimulation can be just as much of an art form as oral stimulation. For women who prefer less direct contact, try moving your fingers in a small figure eight around the clitoris, then try making a larger figure eight over the entire length of her vulva.
Pay Attention
Stay aware of the telltale signs of her enjoyment, such as moaning and heavy breathing. She may squeeze your hand, grip the sheet, or push her pelvis up toward your face. Other physical signs, such as increased vaginal lubrication and swelling of her vulva, will also clue you in to her pleasure. And if you're still not sure, it's okay to ask if she likes it. Communication is key when it comes to great sex.
If she remains silent or still or, even worse, pulls away from you, that's your hint to slow down and try something different. Ask her what feels good or how and where she prefers to be touched. Let her know that you're interested in her feedback and that your goal is to please her.
Go for the Gold
When she is appropriately aroused, start using your tongue to stimulate her clitoris — the most sensitive part of a woman's anatomy. Some women enjoy direct contact; for others indirect contact is better. This may also vary as arousal intensifies.
While working the clitoris with your mouth, insert one or two fingers into her vagina with a gentle thrusting motion. If you tilt them upward just slightly, you can also massage the G-spot. You'll know you've hit it when you feel a spongy bump about one to two inches inside the vagina toward her navel. Done right, clitoral stimulation is the best way to bring a woman to the edge of orgasm and then take her over the edge.
One significant way in which women and men differ sexually is in their post-climax physiology. For you, there is a refractory period that zaps your energy and can last several hours. For her, there is still excellent potential for arousal after orgasm. Some women can even have multiple orgasms. If you and your partner take the time to understand how sex may be different for you than it is for her, you'll be able to find your rhythm together, and that's what good sex is really about.If you're still feeling reluctant, or need some more pointers, get a copy of the book She Comes First by Ian Kerner. It's a step-by-step guide to oral sex in which Kerner explains the importance of oral stimulation for women and gives you more instruction on how to do it well.
Last Updated: 02/11/2013
Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD, is assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University and director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Dr. Berman's online program, The Passion Prescription, based on her book of the same name, provides a step-by-step guide to recharging and making over your sex life.
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