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Role-Playing and More Sex Games

You can make sex more fun by bringing these ideas, and your own imagination, to bed.

It's exhilarating to shed your everyday self and be someone different and exciting, and it's even more fun to take on that new persona in bed with sex games. Pretending that you're someone else may make you feel less inhibited, more relaxed, and more willing to try something new.
There are lots of sex games you can play, and role-playing is a great place to start. Do you or your partner have a certain fantasy? Start with that.

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The Art of Sexual Foreplay

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Sex Games: Why Role-Playing?
"Role-playing or game-like fantasies are great tools; they assist in awakening creativity and imagination in the couple," says Evelyn Fisboin, a registered marriage and family therapist intern at the Mind Spectrum Institute in North Miami Beach, Fla. "Role-playing can also help divert from routine sex, and may heighten and enrich sexual relations."

The beauty of role-playing is that you can be anyone you want: anyone you have ever wanted to be, or anyone your partner has always desired. Always had a thing for nurses, secretaries, teachers, or cops? Act out your sexual fantasy with a little role-playing and add some fun and spice to your sex life. With the right partner, you shouldn't be too shy or too nervous to give fun sex a try.
Role-playing and sex games can go beyond just a little talk and pretending — you can dress up in outfits and costumes and act out an entire fantasy or scenario. Start out with something simple, and work your way into more complex role-playing as you and your partner become more comfortable.
Bondage or S&M (sadomasochism) is a fantasy-based type of role-playing in which leather and restraints are often used. Leather can be erotic for many people; so can the idea of bondage and control. However, it's important to make sure both parties enjoy these types of sex games and that each person in the relationship is comfortable with bondage or S&M role-playing.

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Sexual Positions for Better Lovemaking

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Keeping Fun Sex and Role-Playing Comfortable
"Couples can make role-playing enjoyable and comfortable by making sure that all fantasies are safe, and no harm is inflicted on either partner,” Fibroin says. “Check in with your partner regularly before and during role-playing to make sure that both of you are in agreement."
It's perfectly healthy to want to explore sexual fantasies, and you should feel comfortable opening up to your partner about what interests you. You should always be respectful and keep an open mind when your partner wants to discuss fun sex and opens up about role-playing ideas or fantasies. Safer sex methods that make both partners feel comfortable can also be part of this conversation.

You may be surprised to hear what your partner wants to do, and it's okay to say that you don't want to do it. You also need to understand how difficult it can be to talk about sexual fantasies, even with a willing partner.
Role-playing, fun sex, and sexual fantasies are a great way to keep sexual magic alive over the years. In long-term monogamous relationships, they can help maintain comfort and affection, while still maintaining the excitement of having "different" sexual partners.

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In each issue of the Esquire Weekly, we provide a collection of actionable intelligence culled from the pages of Cosmopolitan. Here is the first part of what we found in the magazine's September issue:

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• Sex advice was offered by Cosmo editors from around the world: The editor of the Latin American edition recommended that a woman massage a man using ice cubes. The Spaniard encouraged having sex without focusing on climaxing; instead, she said, “pay attention to every sensation.” The Italian suggested that you make Skype sex dates with your girlfriend, even if you live near each another, to effectively make personalized porn. 

Note: If nothing else, the last suggestion is an effective method of keeping ice cubes a safe distance from your genitals.

• Less than well-endowed men were reminded that most women do not orgasm through penetration, and thus were urged to use their hands to aid in the effort. Also, two positions were suggested: one in which she is on top, leaning back; the other in which when she is on bottom, with a pillow used to elevate her pelvis.

• There was also a question about men who were too endowed. It was recommended that couples in this situation utilize silicone-based lubricant, and go about it with the woman on top, so she can control thespeed and depth of the thrusts.

• A Boston man told of a woman who asked him to say “Park the car in Harvard Yard” during sex because it turned her on.
Note: That would make this foreplay. 

• Returning to the global sex advice, the German Cosmo editor made a fair point: Practice your dirty talk during one-night stands.
Note: This is solid advice, but take it from us: Spontaneously breaking into loud German mid-coitus may not yield the desired result. Not outside of Germany, anyway.

From: http://www.esquire.com/women/sex/cosmo-field-report-090213

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Women can achieve orgasm through a number of different means and types of stimulation.

The female orgasm continues to be the subject of intense scientific debate. Doctors puzzle over the different means by which women can achieve orgasm, and the things that can prevent orgasm in women.

When women do achieve orgasm, "There are changes throughout the whole body, a head-to-toe kind of experience," says Sandra Leiblum, PhD, a sex therapist and director of psychological services at the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness in Bedminster.

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How Women Achieve Orgasm

Women achieve orgasm through a four-step process first described by sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson decades ago:

1. Excitement. The woman initiates or agrees to sex, and as it commences she finds herself focusing mainly on sexual stimuli. Blood begins to engorge the clitoris, vagina, and nipples, and creates a full body sexual blush. Heart rate and blood pressure increases.
2. Plateau. Sexual tension builds as a precursor to orgasm. The outer one-third of the vagina becomes particularly engorged with blood, creating what researchers refer to as "the orgasmic platform." Focus on sexual stimuli drowns out all other sensations. Heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration continue to increase.
   
3. Orgasm. A series of rhythmic contractions occur in the uterus, vagina, andpelvic floor muscles. The sexual tension caused by lovemaking releases, and muscles throughout the body may contract. A feeling of warmth usually emanates from the pelvis and spreads throughout the entire body.
4. Resolution. The body relaxes, with blood flowing away from the engorged sexual organs. Heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration return to normal.

Stimulation and the Female Orgasm

Women are blessed with bodies that are capable of achieving orgasm in more ways than one.

Clitoral stimulation has been proven the surest route to orgasm. "I think that clitoral stimulation is probably the closest analog to male orgasm, where you get erectile tissue, there is release, and after release it is uncomfortable to continue," says Steven R. Goldstein, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist at the New York University Langone Medical Center in New York City and professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the New York University School of Medicine.

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However, some women also can achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation. One group of researchers credit the G-spot, a place located on the front wall of the vagina an inch or two behind the back of the pubic bone. These researchers believe that when stimulated, the G-spot causes intense sexual pleasure in some women. There is, however, not universal agreement among sex researchers as to the existence of this spot in all women.

Women also have been able to achieve orgasm through stimulation of the breasts or other parts of the body, or through the use of sexual imagery without any touch at all. Researchers have even found a nerve pathway outside of the spinal cord, through the sensory vagus nerve, that will lead a woman to orgasm through sensations transmitted directly to the brain.

"There are many nerve pathways that generate orgasm in women," says Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, professor emerita at Rutgers University in Newark, N.J., and secretary general of the World Association for Sexual Health.

The Female Orgasm: Problems Getting There

There are physical problems that can keep a woman from achieving orgasm, but sex researchers say many of the things that block orgasm involve a woman's psyche. A woman may not be able to let go and focus completely on sexual stimuli because she is experiencing feelings of fear, guilt, distraction, anxiety, or a loss of control, Leiblum says. It is estimated that as many as a quarter of American women have problems achieving orgasm.

Doctors and sex therapists use several types of therapies to help women overcome these blocks to orgasm. Directed masturbation, sex education, and behavioral therapy are some of the means a woman might want to investigate if she cannot reach orgasm. Women might also want to try using a vibrator to provide increased clitoral stimulation, or a dildo crafted to provide better stimulation of the G-spot.

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NEW DELHI | KOLKATA: The rush for the latest iPhones, which were launched in India on November 1, has seen the costlier 5S model sold out across the country and retailers asking Apple for emergency replenishments, which are expected in the next two days, some of them said. To be sure, not too many phones may have been supplied by the company, with the trade estimating the number of 5S devices at 6,000 units.

Reliance CommunicationsBSE -4.03 % and Bharti Airtel, along with major retail chains, have sought additional stocks, but the Diwali weekend has delayed re-stocking efforts. Top multi-brand cellphone and electronic retail chains such as The MobileStore, PlanetM, UniverCell and Future Group say their 5S stocks are over but that they still have 5C phones.

PlanetM Retail chief executive Sanjay Karwa said those who want the 5S aren't willing to settle for the 5C. Manish Chaubey, 32, an executive at a multinational based in Gurgaon, was one of those disappointed. "I went to buy the 16 GB iPhone 5S. I have made several enquiries at retail stores as well as Airtel and Reliance outlets and am really frustrated as they say stocks are sold out and they aren't sure when they will get fresh stocks," he said.

According to trade estimates, about 30,000 units were launched in India. Of these, some 6,000 were iPhone 5S models. Bharti Airtel, India's largest mobile phone operator, and RCOM, the third largest, began selling the smartphones through bundled offers on November 1 and 2, respectively. Retail chains began selling the device on November 1.

"Reliance Communications was supplied around 2,700 units and it was sold off in one and a half days," a company official familiar with the matter told ETon Monday. He said that the company has been in touch with Apple and is hopeful of getting fresh stocks of both models sometime this week.

A Bharti AirtelBSE -1.56 % spokesman said the company had sought additional stocks, and is awaiting Apple's response. "Things are a bit delayed given this is a Diwali weekend," the person said. An industry insider said Bharti Airtel had got about 700 units, all of which had been sold out. Bharti Airtel didn't confirm the figure.

On Saturday evening, retailers asked Apple to get its distributors, Redington andIngram Micro, to send them any remaining iPhone 5S stocks. These reached stores on Sunday evening and were sold out by noon on Monday.

While the telecom companies echoed the view of retailers that the iPhone 5S has seen much higher demand than the 5C, they have exhausted stocks of both models and their variants, thanks to the deals available. The phone is available for the first time under the kind of contracts available overseas.

Under RCOM's bundled offer, buyers can get the base models of both the 5C and 5S for zero upfront payment. They need to make monthly payments ofRs2,599 and Rs2,999, respectively, which includes unlimited voice calls and data usage.

Bharti Airtel, on the other hand, offered the 5S and 5C to Indian customers with monthly rental plans that it said would effectively reduce the cost byRs12,000 over a year. Bharti Airtel is offering a 50% discount on monthly rental plans beginning at Rs300 and going up toRs1,000. For those who don't want to opt for such plans, the 5C costs Rs41,900 (16GB) and Rs53,500 (32GB), while the 5S is priced at Rs53,500 to Rs71,500, depending on the internal memory. PlanetM's Karwa said Apple has promised to rush fresh supplies of the 5S to India.

NEW DELHI: In a move to make AppleiPhones 'more affordable' for Indian consumers, Reliance Communications on Friday announced that it will be selling theiPhone 5C and iPhone 5S on a 2-year contract basis with Equated Monthly Instalments (EMIs) and no down-payment.

Under the scheme Reliance will offer iPhone5C for an EMI of Rs 2,499 per month over a 24-month period and iPhone 5S at Rs 2,999 per month over the same period. This payment comes bundled with free unlimited calls and SMSes (local and STD across network), apart from zero cost for 3G data usage. There is also no charge on national roaming.

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His and Her Guide to Oral Stimulation

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Foreplay before the foreplay is always a must. And the best way to heat things up is with a little lip service. Kissing on the mouth, the neck, and all over can be very erotic. Once you're warmed up, try these techniques for taking kissing to the next level.
Guide for Him
A woman loves it when a man pleases her orally. It is often the best way for her to reach orgasm. For some men, this can be intimidating, but with the right technique and attitude, you'll be a pro in no time.
Warm Up
Start by kissing her abdomen and inner thighs and then tease her a bit. Alternate the stimulation between her genitals and other parts of her body to really turn her on.

Get Into It
Take in her scent and taste, and let her know that you're enjoying yourself. Use your tongue and lips to stimulate the labia majora and minora. Begin with long, slow kisses and licking and gradually increase the speed and intensity as her arousal builds. Don't just lick up and down, since concentrating on only one spot can lead to overstimulation.
Explore
Move your tongue in different directions. Experiment with speed and pressure, but try to keep a rhythm or steady pattern of movement since short spurts of erratic stimulation are likely to throw her focus off. And don't just use your tongue and lips — your fingers, teeth, nose, and breath can also be employed as oral pleasers and teasers.
The perineum is another sensitive area. You can stimulate it with either your tongue or your fingers (but don't use the same fingers around her vagina without washing first, because bacteria from the anus can be harmful to the vagina). SeeIs Anal Sex Safe?
Use Your Hand
Manual stimulation can be just as much of an art form as oral stimulation. For women who prefer less direct contact, try moving your fingers in a small figure eight around the clitoris, then try making a larger figure eight over the entire length of her vulva.

You can also hold her labia open while you use your middle finger to stroke up and down. Many women enjoy having the vaginal opening massaged. If your partner prefers direct pressure on her clitoris, you can tap or rub it constantly with one or two of your fingers.
Pay Attention
Stay aware of the telltale signs of her enjoyment, such as moaning and heavy breathing. She may squeeze your hand, grip the sheet, or push her pelvis up toward your face. Other physical signs, such as increased vaginal lubrication and swelling of her vulva, will also clue you in to her pleasure. And if you're still not sure, it's okay to ask if she likes it. Communication is key when it comes to great sex.
If she remains silent or still or, even worse, pulls away from you, that's your hint to slow down and try something different. Ask her what feels good or how and where she prefers to be touched. Let her know that you're interested in her feedback and that your goal is to please her.
Go for the Gold

When she is appropriately aroused, start using your tongue to stimulate her clitoris — the most sensitive part of a woman's anatomy. Some women enjoy direct contact; for others indirect contact is better. This may also vary as arousal intensifies.
While working the clitoris with your mouth, insert one or two fingers into her vagina with a gentle thrusting motion. If you tilt them upward just slightly, you can also massage the G-spot. You'll know you've hit it when you feel a spongy bump about one to two inches inside the vagina toward her navel. Done right, clitoral stimulation is the best way to bring a woman to the edge of orgasm and then take her over the edge.
One significant way in which women and men differ sexually is in their post-climax physiology. For you, there is a refractory period that zaps your energy and can last several hours. For her, there is still excellent potential for arousal after orgasm. Some women can even have multiple orgasms. If you and your partner take the time to understand how sex may be different for you than it is for her, you'll be able to find your rhythm together, and that's what good sex is really about.
If you're still feeling reluctant, or need some more pointers, get a copy of the book She Comes First by Ian Kerner. It's a step-by-step guide to oral sex in which Kerner explains the importance of oral stimulation for women and gives you more instruction on how to do it well.

Last Updated: 02/11/2013

Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD, is assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University and director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Dr. Berman's online program, The Passion Prescription, based on her book of the same name, provides a step-by-step guide to recharging and making over your sex life.