In Western societies in the last few decades, there have been massive shifts in the reality and perception of gender roles, which continue to cause confusion and friction in gender relations. In more everyday instances, men and women have had to confront questions like: Who pays for dinner between a couple and when; what a fair share is; whether it's insulting to open a door for a woman; or whether it's demeaning for a man to stay home and care for the kids. To help understand how complex this issue is, I will identify some of the major causes, and then propose ways that can help individuals navigate through the quagmire that is gender relations.
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Myriads of books, articles and research papers have been written on the subject - from gender stereotypes, inequality of the sexes, limitations and advantages afforded by biology, changes in social norms, to the advances in technology as related to gender issues. It would take a lifetime to sort through and fully comprehend the impact of all the factors that together affect gender roles in today's Western societies. The fact is that societies and humans are open systems, and therefore dynamic, with complex interactions between their internal elements and the environment in which they find themselves. Therefore, internal biology, as well as individual beliefs, senses and understandings, are as subject to the environment (in this case, social), as the environment is subject to the individual. And the same is true of societies and the contexts in which they find themselves.
Following are some factors that affect gender relations in today's Western societies:
1. Equality in genders vs. male-dominated. The entrance of the vast majority of women into the work force outside of the family environment, and consequently gaining more political, social, and economic equality vis-� -vis men, has caused a need to re-balance gender role structures in society as well. This applies to both absolute equality of women, and the relative equality between the sexes.
2. Women earning income. This pertains to the fact that women can (and many now do) earn income and therefore have the means to pay for things. Much confusion and friction derive from this absolute statement whenever there is a lack of examination of the subjective (perception) and relative (in relation to men) elements involved as well. For example, should a woman pay her "fair" share equally if her disposable income is less than a man's? Does equality in benefits translate to equality in responsibility? Does "fair" mean absolutely half, or is it relative to one's own income or ability to pay? Or is it relative to a man's income and ability to pay?
3. Real gender bias in incomes. There does exist a real gender bias in incomes between men and women. Many recent studies show, that in general, women still do earn less for the same jobs than men. This makes it important to understand why a perceived gender bias in incomes still exists, and why friction in gender relations occurs in relation to it.
4. The impact of technology. Biology has not changed much, and most of the reproductive burden still rests in the female gender. However, technological advances in medicine and healthcare have facilitated an expansion of women's involvement in a variety of roles traditionally held by men. Furthermore, technology has also had greater societal impacts, from the greater (and faster) promulgation of knowledge and education, to the spread of cultural and societal norms through broadcast and other media
5. The lack of understanding about the relationship between greater freedoms (or advantages) and the concomitant responsibility. Whether it's due to ignorance, lack of education, indoctrination in the educational system, systemic failure, moral degradation - whatever - for the purposes of interpersonal and societal interaction, a benefit to one side in any relationship is expected by the other side to have an attached responsibility, or it becomes perceived as 'unfair'. In a business relationship, for example, when a seller sells a product, he expects the buyer to pay. In the same vein, if a man benefits from a relationship with his friends, his friends will want to get a benefit from him; otherwise the relationship ceases.
6. The subjective question of Fairness. This is a question that continues to plague humanity, as it is subjective to the individual, and therefore causes friction, when there is a lack of open and honest communication between the parties. To borrow from contract law, a "meeting of the minds" will be necessary, with a common understanding of what's fair, and mutual agreement between the parties.
7. Changing social and cultural norms and expectations, as well as sexual orientation changes. Much of the misunderstanding in gender relations occurs from this factor, since changes in social and cultural mores straddle generations. With life expectancies increasing, some segments of society still derive their norms from earlier periods and pass their understandings to the next generation. At the same time, new ideas about gender roles permeate from the social environment. This is even made more complicated with the greater allowances and tolerance for changes in sexual orientation and preferences. This is not meant to cast judgement; but rather to highlight the greater need for understanding of the factors affecting gender relations.
8. Gender stereotypes. This factor still persists, despite the fact that most stereotypes derive from before recent times. This is another subjective aspect, particular to individuals and segments of society, contributing to the friction in gender relations. Note that not all stereotypes are from the male-dominated orientation.
9. Changes in family environment. The steady erosion of the family institution in recent times is leading to the erosion of a sheltered environment for emotional support for people, a fertile ground for fostering tolerance and respect for individual differences. This is not to say that all families were 'functional', or that no 'dysfunctional' families existed. Rather, family settings provided a microcosm of society that helped in the exercise of learning to relate to different people in general, and for the purposes of this article, to different genders in particular.
10. The greater emphasis on the self. More and more, there is a greater emphasis on 'what's in it for me" vs what I can do for others or what we as people can do together. This results in less tolerance for other people, their diversity and views, and therefore a deterioration of good social and interpersonal relations.
11. Demographic changes from immigration, and social mobility. Due to a greater degree of global mobility and therefore immigration, there is also a degree by which the social and cultural mores of immigrants add to the complexity in gender relations.
There are likely more factors involved in the changes in gender roles and to be sure, the interaction of these factors likely make gender relations even more complex. For our purposes, now that we have an idea of how murky the waters of gender relations can be, it becomes more important to know how to navigate through it. Granted, we could choose to relate only with those who most closely match our own understandings or preferences in gender roles. However, in order to even find those people, we should be prepared to wade through a host of social interactions - in short, relating. Relationships are about relating, that is obvious. So, if our goal is to find, and relate to, a romantic partner of the opposite sex, we would do well to use strategies that can help us navigate the issues involved in gender roles in today's society.
Here then are some helpful tips:
1. Your Values and principles (Self-awareness). Identify ahead of time what is important to you. Identify as well what you can be flexible about. It's critical to examine if what you think are values, are actually just preferences. Rigidity in your beliefs will lessen the likelihood of finding people with compatible views; but remember that your true values are inviolable and should be safeguarded. The distinction lies in discovering if your views are based on principles and not misguided beliefs.
2. Situational awareness. In any interpersonal interaction, be open to the other side's views. Be sensitive to what they are saying, what they not saying, and what they might be feeling. Be willing to understand where they are coming from, knowing that their views may be colored by factors mentioned above. More importantly, be aware that your own views are likely also affected the same way. No one can force their viewpoints on you, and you always have the option of walking away. However, the object of the exercise is a fruitful interaction; and knowing is half the battle.
3. Kindness and consideration. This is where it helps to have an outward orientation at the same time that you remain true to yourself. All books on interpersonal relations will tell you that people (especially ourselves) want to be treated with respect and kindness. So, it's one thing to allow ourselves to be taken advantage of. It's quite another to be kind and considerate to other people. The distinction lies in giving people the benefit of the doubt first -- in other words, assume they are good, and YOU be kind first. If they are worth it, they will respond in kind. If they are not, you will know, and move on. Here, incrementalism and reciprocity are the keys.
4. Open and honest communication. Ask questions if you don't understand, and genuinely listen. Be open and willing to understand. Be honest. If you have a different viewpoint, say so, but expect that they likely will have a different view from you. Accept that your view is just one of many.
Living in modern complex societies involves navigating through a host of interactions which necessitate a greater degree of understanding, situational awareness, open communication, and kindness. And yes, they are necessary in romantic relationships as well.
These prescriptions are by no means exhaustive in scope, and advice for specific cases would be beyond this article. Furthermore, the differences in the cases would be myriad, if not infinite. However, self-awareness, understanding, kindness, and open communication are good practices in any form of interpersonal relationships, and should serve well in romantic pursuits too.
From: http://goarticles.com/article/How-to-Navigate-the-Changes-in-Gender-Roles-in-Western-Society/7891097/
